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16 Jun

I just read your post on emotionally unavailable men.

Mine is a weird story but I’m thinking now that my guy falls into this category. He broke up with me over text, first of all. We’re both in our later years so this, in my opinion, is very rude at any age.

He came on strong at first, started betting busy with his life, then texted me he can no longer date as his 17 year old is going through issues that he would not discuss. He said something about depression and suicide counseling.

We had only dated for 3 months and I get the issues but he claimed to love me and that I was the “woman of his dreams”.

My question is would you dump the girl of your dreams if your life got hard and your kid needed some guidance and support? I would have expected some down time but dumped? I got a sweet card that said nice things about being in his heart and I ran into him the other day and he seemed sad but I just don’t get it. Am I being selfish? Was he simply emotionally unavailable or is this a normal response?

Eve

I’m sorry you’re hurting, Eve. Getting unceremoniously dumped is an awful feeling and receiving the news by text certainly doesn’t make it any better.

However, I would encourage you to step back from this situation — as I’m attempting to — and refrain from making it about you for a second.

This is what dating coaching is all about — stepping out of your own shoes and attempting to understand the thoughts and behaviors of someone else.

I don’t know your ex from Adam, but then, I’m not sure I need to, given this one piece of information: his 17-year-old is going through depression and contemplating suicide.

That is everything and you’re writing about it as if it’s a minor part of the story.

It’s not. It’s the ENTIRE story.

If your teenager is grappling with life and death, everything else falls by the wayside, and it’s not for me (or you) to judge how he feels he should best handle the situation.

  1. Some men would lean on you for support during this trying time.
  2. Some men would realize they have nothing to give right now and break up.

Neither option involves handling the situation improperly, just differently.

But your question doesn’t seem to acknowledge this. Everything is framed in terms of how it affects you, like you can’t even consider what it’s like to be a scared and overwhelmed single parent with a desperately sick child who needs all of your love and support.

I think there’s a big difference between declaring someone temporarily unavailable due to a crisis (like this) as opposed to permanently unavailable

So, I’m going to throw in a third option:

  1. Some men would rather have no girlfriend than one who can’t muster the empathy to see the big picture.

As far as whether your ex — or any man — is emotionally available, I think there’s a big difference between declaring someone temporarily unavailable due to a crisis (like this) as opposed to permanently unavailable (because he’s scarred and incapable of intimacy and commitment).

I can’t say which he is but I can say that whatever his response to his crisis, it’s not wrong. It’s just what he has to do. And if you’re the woman of his dreams, you’ll understand and support him wherever he’s at. Good luck to both of you.


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15 Jun

 

I think this article by Rose Surnow is…interesting.

“Women Teach Men, an $895 July wellness retreat features talks, lectures and workshops taught by accomplished female experts. The speakers ranged from well-known media personalities like Perel to lesser-known gurus like “body poetess” Mari Sierra. In addition to talks, the weekend included structured men’s groups (no women allowed), where men could sit around and share their feelings–a.k.a. my sexual fantasy. When I found out all this was going down at the Ojai Valley Inn, a five-star hotel with a pool, mountain views and delicious gourmet meals, I packed a bag of bikinis faster than you can say, “The Patriarchy hurts men, too!”

Full disclosure: I know a guy who went to this and was invited to attend. It’s not my thing, but conceptually, I really like the idea of men – for once! – attempting to understand women. Remember, the only reason I’m a coach for women is that men don’t generally ask for help when it comes to relationships.

Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, was the headline speaker. Says Surnow:

“What stuck out to her wasn’t any one particular concern but just how starved the men were for a chance to talk and ask questions. “Women are over-served in the space of relationships and men are totally underserved,” Perel told me. “And because the lives of women will not change until men come along that means that men need to have a chance to also rethink what it means to be a man at home and at work.”

If you’re not a predator and you are capable of speaking up then you should make your voice heard and be part of the solution

It turns out some men need permission to speak openly about what it means to be a man in the wake of #MeToo. A married rabbi said his favorite part of the weekend was when Perel lamented that in this current climate men are being told to sit down and shut up. The rabbi felt validated that a woman might want to hear his point of view. “If you’re not a predator and you are capable of speaking up then you should make your voice heard and be part of the solution,” he said.

Hear, hear. Men are, indeed, starved for a chance to talk and ask questions. Thus the presence of so many male readers on a blog specifically for women.

Personally, I grew up with a stable family and counted both my mother and father as my best friends growing up. My willingness to express my thoughts and feelings never seemed like anything extraordinary until I discovered most people didn’t have a similar childhood experience. So I think it’s great that men are finally starting to talk. So is the author of the piece:

“Because of the model of masculinity I was raised with, it was inspiring to be surrounded by men trying to become more emotionally present. They made me feel excited about the evolution of masculinity, and how it opens up the potential for deeper, more connected relationships… The more we can talk about healthy masculinity and incorporate it into the mainstream conversation, the more men will have space to heal and become authentic. Driving away from Ojai, I left with a plush hotel bathrobe, a purse full of tiny soaps and a newfound empathy for “some men.”

And, if anything, that’s what I want you to take away from this blog, filled with readers who see the world through a different lens. Instead of demonizing them, have some empathy.

Realize that the man who has been burned by women has his reasons to be skeptical, just like you have your reasons to be skeptical. But not until we put our skepticism aside and choose to practice radical empathy will we fix our broken hearts.

To be clear, I’m not encouraging any men to attend a retreat which may be a little touchy-feely for you. But seriously, guys, find a friend to talk to about this stuff. And women, don’t judge men for being more “sensitive artist” than “Marlboro Man.” His sensitivity is what other men lack and what makes him a better partner in the long run.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.


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15 Jun

 

Very recently, my boyfriend and I were looking at Instagram together on his phone, and when he opened up his photo gallery, I spotted a picture of a woman wearing a bra. I was immediately unnerved and I asked if he could show me that photo again. He acted oddly and said he didn’t want to share the photo and how I’d be infringing on his privacy.

I told him he can choose to not show me his phone, but our relationship will have a huge dent. He ultimately showed me his phone and he downloaded nude photos from a porn site onto his photo gallery. I’ve never really been a jealous girlfriend and I encourage watching pornography. But I don’t know why that incident made me feel so bad.

He was also very apologetic and made me feel like he was cheating, and he was also trying to hide his phone because he felt embarrassed, since these girls aren’t actual porn stars. They are actual people from amateur porn sites. Is this a red flag at all? For some reason, it’s easier for me to stomach a situation if he was just watching porn.

Syra

Thanks for the question, Syra. I also want to refer you to this post called “What Do Men Get Out of Looking at Other Women?” which may add some nuance to what I share below.

I understand why you were unnerved when you saw a bra pop up on his phone. (another woman!)

I understand why he didn’t want to share the photo with you. (how mortifying to be caught by your own girlfriend!)

I understand why you feel that he had to share his phone with you to preserve the trust. (my boyfriend should have nothing to hide from me!)

I understand why he did share his phone with you and apologized (I want my girlfriend to know I’m trustworthy and didn’t cheat on her!)

I don’t understand why you’re parsing the difference between amateur porn and “real” porn.

I don’t understand why you’re parsing the difference between amateur porn and “real” porn.

Do you think that because these women aren’t famous, they’re somehow a greater threat to your relationship?

Do you think that because your boyfriend gets off on regular women, he’s apt to leave you for a regular woman?

Listen, I am not here to tell you that porn use is good, nor am I here to tell you that you’re not entitled to feeling your feelings regarding this incident.

But, from what I can gather from your short email, your boyfriend seems to be a normal guy who likes to jerk off to amateur porn and came clean(!) when confronted. And you seem to be a regular, well-adjusted girlfriend who intellectually understands that his porn use is benign and not threatening to your relationship, but is having trouble actually feeling that way.

As such, I wouldn’t consider this a red flag at all. I would consider it a small victory for honesty and transparency. Now your boyfriend doesn’t have to hide his predilections anymore and now you don’t have to worry about the unknown hurting you. The worst is already over. Go make your own video and stop worrying.

(I don’t mean that about the video, BTW. Too risky. But you get the idea.)


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15 Jun

 

For some people, life is just a series of dogs.

For me, life has been a series of romantic relationships.

Maggie Parker would seem to feel the same way. In her New York Times Modern Love column, she pens an ode to all of her exes after she finally got engaged.

It’s hopeful, not bitter. Constructive, not destructive. Here’s the part that got to me:

“To all my exes, I am grateful  to every single one of you for not working out. The scavenger hunt wasn’t always fun, but it led to the most worthwhile prize: my very last boyfriend.

The one who didn’t wait at all to text me after our first date, and hasn’t stopped the conversation since.

The man who told me he loved me after four months, and didn’t give up on me when I didn’t say it back right away. Who challenges me to open my mind, while promising to let me open his. Who doesn’t like when we’re apart, but encourages me to have a life outside our bubble.

The guy who will stay up all night with the sick dog and let me sleep.

The man who couldn’t wait to propose, but did until I was ready. Who wants to become my husband despite the above proof that I have some baggage. And who didn’t try to stop me from making it public.

To the one I ended up with: While I hoped each of these guys was the one at some point, I’m so lucky they weren’t. Thank you for having everything they lacked.

In talking about our exes, we are talking about ourselves – our histories, our identities, our mistakes, our growth.

To those reading this who aren’t my exes: May my sometimes embarrassing, sometimes sweet, sometimes scarring love story give  you hope that with every romance that doesn’t work out, you get closer to the one that will.”

And for any folks who think that people like Maggie and I should stop talking about our former relationships now that we’re married, I hope you can see that doing so is not disrespectful; it’s as important as breathing. In talking about our exes, we are talking about ourselves – our histories, our identities, our mistakes, our growth. To talk about myself without mentioning my 300 dates would feel like talking about someone else.

As long as your partner chose you, to have and to hold, ’til death do you part, you have no reason to be threatened by the fact that he’s dated other people who had a deep hold on his heart, all of whom ultimately disappointed him and led to him meeting you.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.


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15 Jun

I am 31 and in an early, but exclusive (5 month) relationship with a wonderful man. He’s 33, good looking, tall, he’s very considerate, generous, loves dogs, gets on with my mother, tick, tick, tick. We have a very, very good sex life too. He’s just the best. There is one thing that I find bothers me.

He has had considerably more sexual experience than I have – a whole lot more, I reckon – and I am finding myself jealous of him. I spent virtually my entire twenties in a couple of long term and unsuitable relationships, which I now regret. I regret not having fun, turning down offers (and I did get them!) and chasing men who weren’t prepared to give me anything. It was a mistake to throw away my youth like that.

What I have noticed is that my current partner is much more self-assured, confident and optimistic than I am. I believe this is because he has been validated time and time again, physically and romantically. He’s also never been cheated on, or even dumped. His experiences have made him a happy and attractive person.

In fact, I’ve actually noticed that as a common theme, in others who were more carefree and up-for-anything in their younger days.

I do want to get married and have children one day. So does he. And we are doing very, very well so far, for a newbie couple. He thinks I’m brilliant and that’s lovely. But would I be making a mistake in not getting the same sexual and fun experiences before embarking on that chapter? Could I become a better, more experienced and well-rounded person by doing so? Please be honest – did I miss out on anything special and is it worth returning to?

Thank you.

Antonia

Thank you for making a brilliant observation, Antonia.

“My current partner is much more self-assured, confident and optimistic than I am…He has been validated, time and again, physically and romantically…His experiences have made him a happy and attractive person.”

100%

You may as well be describing my experience as a single man.

The reason I’m a dating coach is because, despite 300 dates that didn’t result in marriage, I enjoyed dating, I enjoyed women, I enjoyed hooking up, I enjoyed the good stories about bad dates, and I enjoyed the ever-present possibility of finding lasting love.

And if you like the opposite sex, enjoy dating, and feel good about yourself regardless of the outcome, you’re going to be a more confident and attractive person than the person who hates dating, hates online dating, hates the opposite sex and assumes the worst in people.

That confidence — that validation — is priceless, and I wish it for everyone reading this right now. At the same time, I still wouldn’t recommend you throw your relationship away to get more sexual experience.

I don’t blame you for wanting to redo your 20’s. I do, too. But while life may be about an accumulation of new experiences, you don’t want to move off the marriage/children track just to fuck a few more dudes, all under the guise of self-improvement.

One of my first online dates taught me that “the only emotion that grows over time is regret.”

One of my first online dates taught me that “the only emotion that grows over time is regret.” I’m not positive that’s true, but it does resonate. Saying “I wish I…” might make for interesting daydreams, but it rarely holds up in reality.

If you found a man who you think you can spend your life with, that’s the point of dating. Yes, sleeping around is fun, but mostly it taught me what I DIDN’T want in a wife.

Essentially, casual sex is what we do to keep busy until we meet the “one.” And if you think you’ve met the one, you owe it to yourself to stop looking further.


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14 Jun

You may have heard me talk about short-term pessimism and long-term optimism.

I mention it in my Believe in Love program and I  firmly believe it’s the only way to date.

Basically, don’t expect anything from any one guy, because chances her the next man you meet is not your future husband. But if you keep dating regularly, chances are high that you’ll finally meet your future husband.

I think short-term pessimism/long-term optimism is nuanced and almost unassailable in its logic since it adheres to what we see in the world. Most guys aren’t right for you. Don’t sweat it and move on. Keep moving until you find one guy who is worthy.

Enter Dr. Martin Seligman, author, psychologist and godfather of happiness studies.

In the above-linked piece for GQ, Seligman talks about how your brain is wired for pessimism but emphasizes how you can train it to be more optimistic.

Some key takeaways:

I think the good thing about meditation–mindfulness, concentrating on the present, detaching–is as good anti-anxiety, anti-anger tools.

“When you look at pessimistic people, probably the single [most-telling] hallmark is they think that bad events are permanent and that they’re unchangeable. So what learned optimism is all about is recognizing that you’re saying that to yourself, and then realistically arguing against it.”

“I think the good thing about meditation–mindfulness, concentrating on the present, detaching–is as good anti-anxiety, anti-anger tools. But one of the costs of accepting fate, accepting that you can’t go on and do something good in the future, correlates highly with physical illness, shorter life span, less accomplishment at work. So, it’s a good anti-anxiety tool often, but it’s got a lot of costs as well.”

“Education is important, and books like Steve Pinker’s  Enlightenment Now, which take people through the statistics, are important. And we don’t do very well with those. But what we do well with is tragic stories on the headlines. The anecdote to “if it bleeds, it leads” is actually the statistics on human well-being, which, by every statistic I know, is much better than it was 200 years ago.”

I concur wholeheartedly.

I love my readers but there’s a big difference between blog/newsletter readers and clients who invest in coaching.

Those who invest in coaching don’t believe that bad events are permanent.

Those who invest in coaching don’t believe they have to accept their fate as singles.

Those who invest in coaching are open to objective facts, even when their life experience and feelings are telling a completely different story.

And that’s why those who invest in coaching get results.  

As a reality-based dating coach, I appreciate and empathize when people are down on dating. But if the opposite sex is always to blame and the inevitable result of relationships is bound to be heartbreak, there’s no point in continuing to pursue them.

And that’s what many people conclude. I wish I could save them all.

But believing the best of people and taking action is pretty much the main difference between the people who remain single and the people who find love.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.


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14 Jun

 

I’m 42 years old and my boyfriend is almost 48. He was married once before and has two young adult children. We’ve been together for five years. Three years in, I asked about marriage and he told me he wasn’t ready. I was ready to break up with him until he gave me a sweet promise ring and swore that he really does want to marry me, but he just wasn’t ready and needed more time. He convinced me to wait because he swears he wants to build a life with me.

I’ve read your advice about allowing him to choose me, so I didn’t bring it up again for almost two years. I finally started to wonder and asked him about it again, only for him to tell me the exact same thing: that he’s not ready, but he wants to marry me someday and he sees a future with me. Problem is: he won’t give me a timeline, he won’t say why he’s not ready, and he wants us to live together first.

We own our own homes and the housing market is highly overinflated where we live – so much that we can’t afford to buy a house together. So, there’s no chance of us living together anytime soon. Plus, I’m not sure that living together as a “trial run” is the best way to approach marriage. If he’s not interested in marrying me now, I’m not sure that living together will change that.

He swears that he really does want to build a life with me, but I’m not sure I can wait another few years for a man who continues to kick the marriage can down the road — and the “living together trial run” seems like an excuse to prolong the marriage issue. I wish I could just break up with him, but I stay around because he keeps saying he really does want to marry me, but he’s just not ready and wants to live together first.

He is really good to me and we get along outside of this issue. We have fun together, laugh, and he’s always doing nice, thoughtful things for me, like fixing things in my house and buying me little presents. But, I’m starting to become disenchanted with the relationship because I don’t want to be his girlfriend forever. I don’t know if I should stay or go.

Thank you for taking the time to read this question, because I know you receive thousands of them.

Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Thanks for the kind words and the all-too-familiar story.

Sadly, I don’t think there’s much I can add to it.

I could throw around stats that say that people who wait over five years to get married are more likely to break up (because one party never wanted to get married in the first place).

The fact that he hasn’t married you means that he doesn’t want to marry you.

I could throw around an EMK aphorism that “men do want they want.” In other words, if he wanted to marry you, he already would have married you. The fact that he hasn’t married you means that he doesn’t want to marry you.

I could point out that you shouldn’t have to put a gun to a man’s head to get him to propose. If he has to do it under duress, it’s not the ideal start for your marriage.

I could implore you to ask him, point-blank, why he’s so afraid of marriage and what’s holding him up. Who knows? Maybe you’ll learn something and maybe he’ll have a revelation that his fear is irrational and that, for all intents and purposes, you ARE married.

But, since you sound like smart woman who has had plenty of time to think about this, I’m going to assume you know all of that, my friend.

So let me give you validation of your worst suspicions: your boyfriend has played you.

Not because he’s an evil guy, but because, like most of us, he’s operating out of his own self-interest.

His self-interest is to keep you as a girlfriend and not to get married. And he’s done a brilliant job of that, what with the promise ring and the two years(!) of silence and the living together excuse and the lack of a timeline to head to the altar.

It’s all bullshit, Jessica.

And since I’m not emotionally invested in this the way you are, I’m going to give you the ultimatum that you should have given to him two years ago.

Either decide that you’re content being his permanent girlfriend (but not his wife) or break up with him and find a guy who wants to marry you.

The only thing you CAN’T do is keep on waiting for a guy who doesn’t want to marry you to step up and marry you.

I wish you the best of luck.


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14 Jun

 

I do a lot of online dating stuff because it’s hard to create a social life from scratch when you’re 35-60, work in a small office, and most of your friends are married.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t see the great importance of real-life interactions.

My Love U course has an entire week on Meeting Men and another week on Flirting. And yet, I’m always on the lookout for other resources that can help you up your game.

As per usual, my favorite resource, The New York Times, lives up to its billing as “All The News That’s Fit To Print,” with this handy-dandy guide to being better at parties.  

I’m not going to attempt to do it justice but encourage you to click on it and consider how many tiny ways there are to improve your social skills, with just a little bit of planning and forethought.

Where are you headed when you walk into the room?

What’s your goal for the evening?

Do you have anything interesting going on in your life right now to discuss?

Are you a hugger or a handshaker?

Party skills are dating skills, people. Learn them and thank me later.

Do you naturally smile or do you have to remember to do so?

Are you naturally inquisitive and do you ask interesting questions?

Do you hold eye contact and make people feel important?

Party skills are dating skills, people. Learn them and thank me later.

Your thoughts, below, on the linked article, are greatly appreciated


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13 Jun

I started e-Cyrano online dating profile writing in 2003.

We were written about in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal and hundreds of other publications. 

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

I came up with the idea when I took my George W. Bush $300 tax credit and used it to have a professional resume writer take a crack at my resume (even though I was a writer). Next thing I knew, I was working for JDate in 2002 and saw the same lame profiles you see today. A business was born.

Online dating profiles led to online dating coaching, which led to dating coaching, which led to relationship coaching, and well, here we are.

Then I readthis New York Times feature on a woman who handles your dating apps and I felt a negative energy. It’s not that I was envious (which is true) or that I should spend more time promoting e-Cyrano (which is also true), it’s that this business model feels out of integrity to me.

e-Cyrano involves a questionnaire that takes hours and a phone interview where we compile all of your words into a profile that’s 95% you and 5% e-Cyrano.

These companies involve a literal Cyrano – someone pretending to be you, writing your emails and texts, actually interacting with another person under false pretenses.

Put another way: how would you feel if you discovered a man hired someone to flirt with you under his name? Pretty creepy, no?

I’ve long had the opportunity – and many requests – to do this for clients. I have refused every time. While it may seem like a negligible difference, in my opinion, there is a clear dividing line between offering advice on how to write to men and actually writing to men themselves.

I’m sure the woman who owns this business is a nice person, doing good work and helping others. It just doesn’t feel right to me from a moral standpoint.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

 


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13 Jun

As a longtime reader of your blog, I know you’re a proponent of good marriages as opposed to marrying solely for the sake of not being alone.

I was recently watching a late night show on which Michelle Obama appeared and said, “If you’re married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you’re doing really good! Anybody would take those odds.”

Should anybody *really* take those odds, though?

Is it simply being realistic, as the former First Lady suggests, to expect a “horrible” year or two here and there sprinkled throughout a lifelong partnership?

If not, is it possible to assess at 2-3 years into a relationship whether or not that “horrible” year is right around the corner?

Perhaps even worse, is it a thing that the first 40 years could be blissful and the next 10 a total nightmare? And if either of those circumstances were to happen in a relationship, what should the partners do?

Thanks, Evan!

Jen

Really great question, Jen. I’m glad you asked it.

I think this is as good a time to point out that the way I feel about relationships is different than the way most people feel about relationships.

Most people:  “Relationships take work!”

Evan:  “Good relationships are easy. If it’s not easy, it’s not a good relationship.”

Most people:  “Couples fight all the time. It’s normal.”

Evan:  “Unhealthy couples fight all the time. Healthy couples fight a lot less — and a lot quieter.”

Most people:  “You should stay together through thick and thin because you made a vow.”

Evan:  “If your relationship is draining you and is not supporting your happiness, what exactly is it for?”

When I say these things, people sit up and pay attention for multiple reasons.

I don’t know anybody else who preaches the concept that “relationships are easy,” so when you hear it, it comes as a bit of a shock to the system. Some people find it hopeful and encouraging.

Others, especially if they are in a relationship that involves a lot of fighting, breaking up, and long stretches of questioning your compatibility, get defensive. “Hey, that smug dating coach guy is attacking me. He’s saying I have a bad marriage. Well, fuck him! He doesn’t know anything. He’ll see how hard his marriage will be!”

And who knows? Maybe they’re right. I’ve only been married for ten years. Circumstances can change. Couples can grow apart. People face challenges that strain their relationship. Anything is possible.

Then again, my business has been challenged in the past few years.

We do have two kids who suck up a lot of time, attention and money.

I have faced anxiety, insomnia, and some mid-life existential crisis during my marriage.

There are some things I have trouble accepting about my wife and some things she has trouble accepting about me.

And yet, when I read your question, Jen, it doesn’t sound like ANYTHING that pertains to me. TEN BAD YEARS? Maybe that was normal for The Greatest Generation or the Baby Boomers, but I sure hope that GenX and Millennials aim higher.

I haven’t had one bad year with my wife.

I haven’t had one bad month with my wife.

I haven’t had one bad week with my wife.

I have had one bad day with my wife. A few times, actually.

But nothing that would remotely make me think that I’d be better off without her. Nothing that would make me question the foundation of our relationship. Nothing that would make me like her or love her less. Frankly, it’s unfathomable to me to consider.

I acknowledge that maybe I married a unicorn — or maybe my wife did — but that’s a bit too self-aggrandizing, even for me.

The fact is, my wife and I are normal people who are really honest, connected, and well-matched. It took a lot of searching but I’m confident we got it right and I’m certain we are not alone.

Believe me, I think it’s an impressive feat for couples to fight for their marriage — I’m grateful that my parents did for thirty years. I also know that my Mom is MUCH happier in her current marriage, which is WAY easier than the one with my Dad ever was.

When people tell you “relationships take work,” feel free to smile, nod and take solace that this is NOT how relationships have to be.

Few people are going to throw their marriage under the bus and admit they made the wrong choice 10, 20, or 30 years ago. It’s too painful to admit that a rocky relationship is unhealthy and perhaps there is an easier way to live. It’s too painful to look objectively at your marriage and wonder why it doesn’t bring more joy and instead brings pain.

God bless Michelle Obama for all she has done, but I’m going to break with her on this one. When people tell you “relationships take work,” feel free to smile, nod and take solace that this is NOT how relationships have to be.

You do NOT have to suffer for years at a time.

The people who do chose an incompatible partner a long time ago and are doing everything in their power to avoid facing the fact that life can be pretty darn blissful when you’re with the right person from the start.


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